Mum had come over from England for my birthday. We were all teary-eyed when nan remembered her name and welcomed her back after so long. Suzanna took the opportunity to wind up the poor old bed-ridden soul (nan, not mum).
Suzanna: Come on! We have a special visitor. Aren't you going to get up and make her something to eat?
Suzanna: You're so lazy. You just lie in bed all day. Get up and make your visitor something. She's come all the way from England.
Nan: *silence and glaring at Suzanna*
Nan: Listen. Why don't you just fuck off out of this house, you prostitute. (Aimed at Suzanna, not mum).
Mum's grasp of Turkish wasn't enough to understand why I'd collapsed spitting tea.